she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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