I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize