How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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