Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i think i just lost a toe
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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