Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
