Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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