So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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