Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
