Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
