We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize