My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
