Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
