you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
