Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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