john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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