All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
