Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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