the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize