I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
