She just used a chaser for red wine.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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