yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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