Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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