Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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