You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize