I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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