is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
