What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
