So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
