he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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