last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
