i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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