Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
