is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
