somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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