a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How external is "for external use only"?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
