Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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