like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
