dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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