You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize