Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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