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• (903): View more from Texas

  I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.

  (903): View more from Texas

  That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.

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• (661): View more from California

  a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia

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• (315): View more from New York

  He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement

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• (415): View more from California

  So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.

  (415): View more from California

  She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"

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