Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize