our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
did i walk over a car last night?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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