Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Randomize
