i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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