i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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