there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
