mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
