Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
