Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you never un-have a 4some
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
