called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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