he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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