Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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