There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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