Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
