I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
