in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
