so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
