she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
