If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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