I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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