I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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