Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
