I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
