I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
