I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
