clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
