i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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