I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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