bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
