Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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